Almost Famous: Success and careers after college

June 23, 2010

In honor of recent graduates: When you finished your schooling, did you know what you wanted to do in life? How long did it take to find a job or profession that “fit” you? Are you still in your original field?

I had the idea that after college I would move back home, my mom and dad would move out, and I’d get the house! I’m being brutally honest; at 21 years old, I had potential but I was much more into partying. In my opinion at the time, I had learned two very valuable things in college: Never run out of beer and only date girls who have their own cars!

What I wanted in life at that point was to be judged according to my wit, knowledge, and education, but I learned that I was really judged by my actions. (I was also judged by an actual judge, but we won’t go into that.)

After college, I started working for AT&T during the divestiture. I learned a lot about office politics but little about what I wanted to do with my life. I came from successful people and I was expected to be affluent, not just earn a living. So, naturally, I wanted to be in show business or become an artist. My education was in psychology, history, and marketing, so it seemed I was only qualified to think deeply about convincing people to spend money in the past!

When we look back through our career tracks, most of us talk about the “path” we were on; but if we really take time to think about it, it seems more like an unblazed trail than a path. Personally, what I traveled was more like that worn area you see in someone’s yard from people cutting through the lawn because they did not have the patience to walk around it.

When I became a corporate department head at a Fortune 500 company at age 27, I was clearly promoted beyond my abilities. People used to mistake me for my own assistant (which does have its benefits when you want to avoid people you have never met). I was forced to learn to be influential, considering that every conversation my management peers had with me started with the word “Son”!

Along my “unblazed” trail, I became a professional stand-up comedian, touring the country and appearing at places like the Comedy Store in Los Angeles and the Funny Firm in Chicago. I appeared with people who are now household names, and one of my ex-girlfriends went on to be a famous movie star. I did some TV and radio and had speaking parts in a few films (which went directly to video). People often ask me how this segment of my career came about. All I can say is I went to an open mic night, and within a year I was earning a living on the road. I did this hot and heavy for six or seven years before realizing that, for me, making people laugh was not enough. I’ve got nothing against stand-up – I just wanted to make more of a contribution. Plus, living in a different city each week and sharing the comedy condo with depressed guys who used to be famous and their tattooed girlfriends with big snakes around their necks … let’s just say it gets old after a while.

Ultimately, I put my business background, education, and show business experience together to create the life I have now. In 1996 I started a research-based training company that specializes in personal influence in areas of leadership, sales, marketing, change management, and safety. Through this company I now speak at conventions 100 times a year. (It’s still a lot of travel but not as many tattoos and snakes … depending on the convention.)

My advice to graduates is to do very little of what you don’t do well and a lot of what you do very well. It’s practical, proven advice that might also sound profound if you are under 25 years old and still hung over from college.


Marriage Success: Happily Neverafter?

June 8, 2010

Washingon Post “On Success” Column  Question: To the shock of even their closest friends, Al and Tipper Gore have announced their separation, after 40 years of marriage. And this is the couple that openly showed affection and wrote the book “Joined at the Heart.” Can a marriage that comes apart still be considered successful? And if Al and Tipper can’t make it, is there hope for the rest of us?

What can you put up with?

Can a marriage that comes apart still be considered successful? I guess it can if you got the results you were seeking – as in, spending a huge part of your life with someone who will no longer live with you, producing 2.5 kids (that half a child is the slow one who didn’t go to college), and losing half your stuff at retirement age. If that is an acceptable situation, then yes, congratulations, you have been successfully married.

I guess if you learned a lesson that is valuable enough, any experience is successful regardless of how it ends. But if the only lesson you learn is that it was the other person’s fault entirely, most likely you cannot call the experience a success. In college and through my mid 20s, I learned that any woman who was really attracted to me was clearly not marriage material!

Those early, self-deprecating insights of mine have given way to data that exists on the topic of marriage, which apparently varies a bit based on whether you are male or female. Most research on how people feel about marriage (which, by the way, no one wants to know) reflects that married men are happier than unmarried men and, paradoxically, that unmarried women are happier than married women. The data has skewed this way since researchers started asking people these questions anonymously fifty years ago. A lot of people – women in particular – feel trapped in unhappy marriages; in such situations, divorce might be an option you explore based on family finances, or on your response to pressure from society/your family/your religion to work it out, or both.

In the Gores’ case, they can’t divorce if they are trying to bring people together for an election or a cause. Can you name one politician who initiated a breakup in the middle of a campaign they thought they were going to win? Most successful men get divorces when they can afford it or if it can’t hurt them politically. However, some of the lawyers I have talked to advise their wealthy clients to get separated rather than divorced because the financial fallout of divorce can dramatically reduce the lifestyle of both spouses. So it really is “cheaper to keep her,” and staying married to a rich person you no longer love seems to be preferred by most women to a divorce that leaves you with no country club membership and considerably fewer pairs of shoes. I’m not saying anyone should think that way; I’m just stating what researchers tell us. (Frankly, it sounds to me like being a marriage researcher is bad for your marriage!)

Let’s get real and personal: Al Gore became very successful and the political campaigns were pretty hard on Tipper, as you may recall. Also, life with someone in the spotlight does not have a great track record for producing happiness. Oddly, when people who have been married for over 20 years co-author a book about how in love they are with each other, a divorce seems to follow shortly afterward.

The reality of marriage is that you marry someone because of who you think they are; and when, after being together for a few years (or 40), you find out who they really are, you have to decide if you can live with that! People do change and grow, but rarely at the same pace or in the same direction. So the key is this: How much do you really like each other and what can you put up with long term? Can you accept the faults that may never improve? Love is wonderful, but the fact remains that you can love someone and still dream of killing them on a regular basis. I think you have to love them, really like them, and be able to enjoy their company with great consistency. If you can do that, then you can overcome the differences in thoughts and feelings that have always made understanding each other a challenge. Many years ago, I gave my wife a half-pound box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day and she said, “Do you know how much weight I will gain if I eat all this chocolate?” I said, “Yes, honey… about a half a pound!” She laughed and said, “That is exactly the kind of answer I would expect from you.” I said, “Well … then our marriage is a success.”


The Innate Secret Advantage: I could dunk too if I were seven-foot-two!

May 27, 2010

Speed, agility, great ball-handling skills, and natural instincts for game pacing and dictating a team’s offensive strategies are hallmarks of the NBA’s best point guards. Muggsy Bogues had those and more, which led to his selection as a first-round draft pick out of Wake Forest University and a successful 14-season NBA career with the Charlotte Hornets, Washington Bullets, Golden State Warriors, New York Knicks, and Toronto Raptors. Bogues was also—and remains—the shortest NBA player in history.

Short in stature and tall on talent, Bogues faced plenty of skeptics who doubted he could play pro ball in an arena where six-foot-three is considered short. And the skeptics seemed to have a point. If your name is Muggsy and you’re five-foot-three, you sound more like a cartoon character than a pro basketball player. But Muggsy’s lack of stature actually seemed to help him. Faster and more maneuverable than the hulks, lower to the ground than even the shortest guards he faced, Bogues used his height to his advantage. In other words, he went beyond talent to use what others saw as his apparent disadvantage (his size) and turn it into an innate advantage.

Bogues made an excellent guard, but a center he could never be. That job goes to guys like Yao Ming. Under a 10-foot rim, Ming’s standing reach of nine-foot-seven pretty much guarantees him the job, agile or not. I’m surprised a guy that tall can get out of his own way! Yet he has starred at center for the Houston Rockets since 2002 and is a huge celebrity in China. It seems that the Chinese are so industrious that they’ve even found a way to manufacture tall people.

In business, however, innate advantages are subtler than Ming’s or Bogues’s size and become evident throughout our lives and professional careers. One top performer used his innate advantage of an engaging smile and aura of sincerity underscored by a clean, honest look. As a result, people just naturally wanted to meet him, talk with him, even pay for his lunch. In time, he used the enormous trust people had in him to his advantage, not by being dishonest but by enhancing his ability to sell insurance based on his gift for being Mr. Likable.

In fact, much of our success is based on appearance and personality. They’re part of the reason image consulting is a multibillion-dollar industry. It often takes an image consultant to transform a person’s least desirable qualities because, let’s face it, we’re not all that honest with ourselves about what might need to be fixed. It’s like a really wealthy man with horrible teeth. How can he have such devastating dental denial? Does he know he scares kids at the pool?

When it comes to advantages, most of us know the good stuff we got dealt; we just don’t use it to get ahead. Yet it doesn’t take a consultant to play up any innate advantage you have in appearance, image, or personality. That job’s for you! Sometimes it’s just a matter of mapping that innate advantage to your goals. This chapter helps you understand the power of your innate advantage.

The Physical Advantage

The world is full of remarkable athletes, but every few years some insanely gifted overachiever commands the spotlight, first by breaking a world record, then smashing it the next time out, and then continuing to obliterate it over and over until we can’t help but wonder what freaky genetics are in play there.

Michael Phelps is that athlete. He dominated the 2008 Summer Olympics, winning gold medals in all eight of his events, including some incredible swim-from-behind, win-by-a-hair victories. And winning by a hair is tough in a sport where all competitors shave their body hair before each event!

The man’s a machine. He regularly trains six hours a day, six days a week, and he smokes pot! That’s impressive! But surely some of the athletes competing at his world-class level must be training and working just as hard. So what’s this guy’s advantage? What’s the deal?

The deal is that the man really is a machine ideally constructed to plow through water. Most people have a wingspan that matches their height, but the six-foot-four Phelps has a wingspan of six feet, seven inches. And yet his legs, proportionally, are the size of someone who’s just six feet tall. He has hands that have been compared to dinner plates, and he wears size 14 shoes. When you see him on television, you think maybe your TV picture is warped, but that’s what he really looks like!

So while an above-average heart and lung capacity power his long-lever arms and dinner-plate hands to create more propulsion than other people his size can muster, his large torso skims boatlike across the surface, followed by short legs that create minimal drag. And then his size 14s shove him forward some more. No doubt about it, Phelps is one maneuverable mutant!

But we’re not done. And I’m not talking about his fondness for pot.

Phelps is also double-jointed. Great flexibility in his shoulders, elbows, knees, and ankles gives him fluidity in his range of motion, creating less disruption to his stroke and greater power in his underwater body-flutter thingy. (I’m running short on anatomy adjectives.) In his book No Limits: The Will to Succeed, Phelps himself puts it this way: “The flexibility in my ankles means I can whip my feet through the water as if they were fins.” That’s as impressive as it is disturbing.

If Phelps keeps succeeding, he might even be as impressive as Lance Armstrong, who overcame testicular cancer that, by the time of diagnosis, had spread to his lungs and brain. Some intense chemo, some intense training, and the guy went on to win a few Tour de Frances . . . Tours de France? Whatever. He won seven of them. It’s a record, regardless of how you actually say it, and one that is likely never to be equaled.

How did he do it? Is he superhuman? A freak of genetics like Phelps? Partly. Armstrong’s heart is one-third more effective than the average man’s, and it’s thought to be almost a third larger (uncommon but not unprecedented among elite athletes). Some of this is likely the result of triathlon training from his teen years, but there is also some genetic component that allowed him to develop an almost superhuman heart muscle. You can’t get that with pull-ups. The Discovery Channel program The Science of Lance Armstrong (I have a hard time just going to the gym, and this guy has his own science?) reported that for unknown reasons Armstrong’s muscles produce less lactic acid than other people’s muscles and that his body eliminates lactic acid more efficiently, leading him to experience less “muscle burn” at the point of peak exertion. He has this great innate ability to push on when most of his competitors are left pushing through the pain.

I don’t mean to minimize the grueling training and pure determination of these two amazing athletes by highlighting their innate advantages. On the contrary! It’s important to realize that they willingly trained to improve whatever assets they could. Phelps might not be able to make his legs any shorter, his wingspan any wider, or his feet more Phlipperish, but his continuous training can stretch his endurance, perfect his stroke, and improve his entry and flip-turn techniques. This guy is just one Darwinian step away from a gig at Sea World.

Phelps and Armstrong might have abnormal heart and lung capacities (and, in Phelps’s case, abnormal lunch capacity—he puts down about 10,000 calories a day). But they’re not content to leave that head start unimproved or undeveloped. They train like crazy to expand what they were naturally given. They recognize and use their natural physiological endowments. That’s exactly what innate advantages are all about for any top performer. We have all heard the saying “It’s not what you’ve got but how you use it.” The real truth is that it’s a lot about what you’ve got, and if you don’t have a lot, you might struggle to compete at the highest level.


Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 3,319 other followers