As a professional speaker I was in the airport the other day getting ready to fly to Las Vegas. (I’m there more than Cher.) I was relaxing at the President’s Club, eating cheap cheese and old fruit with all my elite-status, high-mileage brethren. The gentleman who sat down beside me wore a baseball cap that read “NYC Police.” He proceeded to tell me he was an undercover cop, so I had to ask, “Then you only wear this hat on your days off?”
I think a great number of people have no idea how they appear to others. You could fill a large psychiatry office with all the books that have been written about how we perceive ourselves. But few books have any real impact in the area of how we are viewed by others. Taking a look at how others see us is not an easy thing to do. However, if we want to have enough personal influence to make all the communication skills and brilliant ideas we have succeed, willingness needs to raise its ugly head. For example, if you sit down to put on your rollerblades and your spouse calls out “Honey, please be careful,” it means you do not skate well! If people look at your artwork and say things like “Wow, you sure used a lot of paint!” or “This would look awesome in the garage,” it means you don’t have any talent.
Getting honest about who you really are to others is crucial to success. It’s a practice common among top businesspeople. In our 10-year survey of 5,000 top professionals, Wynn Solutions found that the most successful – the top 1% – had a realistic view of how others perceived them. This dose of realism serves them well because they can influence others only as far as those others will allow. So if the great self-portrait I’ve painted in my mind far exceeds the exhibit I’ve put on display to the public, I’ll struggle to convince anyone of my genius.
Believing in yourself is great, but you need others also to believe in you if you hope to motivate or lead people in the direction you want. It’s good to have confidence, and certainly self-esteem is important … but if I believed I was OK regardless of society’s opinions, I would be at the grocery store in my underwear.
We sometimes make the mistake of thinking that something’s true if we just believe strongly enough. I believe the speed limit on toll roads should be 100 mph. That’s slower than the no-speed-limit autobahn, so it seems fair to me. But the cop who pulled me over last week believed I should go to jail. So what I believe is often not only irrelevant; it’s illegal!
Is it possible that some things you believe about yourself may not be true? Can you ask a very close, give-it-to-you-straight friend how you come across to others? This may sound to some like an invitation to developing a slight case of paranoia. But spending your life obliviously unaware of what is preventing you from being seen as valuable is much worse. Being worried about not being OK makes you human and relevant. Showing up to the big board meeting in an ’80s dress with shoulder pads could make you (literally) history – especially if you are a man!
My keynote presentations and training programs are based on my company’s research of top performers (5,000 top-performing people of influence in 21 industries) and shows what the most successful people have in common. Recently, I created a summery of the core ideas I presented in a keynote for a client looking to provide something extra for attendees to take home. These same idea are examined in detail in my newest book “The Real Truth about Success” .
The Real Truth about Success is based on Wynn Solutions’ research of top performers (5,000 top-performing people of influence in 21 industries) and shows what the most successful people have in common.
Dealing with difficult people is one of the true litmus tests of being influential. When you boil it down, if you criticize the ideas of the people you are dealing with, they are less likely to use your ideas; and if you make people feel important, then you and your agenda/ideas will be more important to them. We also have to learn the importance of our behavior reflecting on our skill level. Sometimes our behavior betrays our skill. If people do not like your behavior, they will consistently look for reasons not to trust or agree with you. It is possible to be right without making others feel people wrong. People do not choose what’s best; they choose what they are the most comfortable with whether it’s the best or not.
Another often-overlooked area of influence and teamwork is judgment. Top performers acknowledge and act on the concept that everyone knows something they do not. We can all learn from one another. Also, when confronted with bad ideas or information, an attitude of conciliation is the most effective approach. In other words, instead of saying “You’re wrong,” you can take a step back and calmly state, “I disagree with your approach (ideas) but am willing to listen.” This disarms the listener and creates a spirit of teamwork that will enhance the opportunity for productivity. You might also find you are more in agreement than previously thought. Furthermore, you might discover why the person you are speaking with is in fact incorrect, and you can forward the conversation from there. The amazing part of this tactic is that as you listen and gain agreement, you will see that they will start to change their story to match yours as a product of trust gained.
Top performers also understand the truth about trust. Our research shows that trust is built on the foundation of two things: compassion and competence. Data we have collected about effective communication styles clearly demonstrates that an overwhelming number of people responded well when they felt heard or listened to. If you make them feel heard and appreciated, as stated earlier, you and your agenda will be more important to them.
When you rob people of their uniqueness, you make one of the biggest communication mistakes there is. Don’t be dismissive if people say they’ve got a problem. Agree that their problem is valid, and they will be more accepting of your solutions – so accepting that they’re more likely to take accountability for those solutions. Agreement is the foundation of accountability. People are much more likely to be in agreement with those who have agreed with them first!
Another issue is dealing with people you don’t get along with very well. Many people think getting everyone to like each other is the key to success, but our research shows that how well you work with people you don’t get along with will define your greatness. You must be willing to look at your own behavior; if you have personality conflicts on a regular basis, you need to investigate your personality.
Also, top performers know everyone has the same basic agenda: We all want sincerity, value and prestige. Sincerity is simply a matter of making sure your sincerity matches the situation – are you being real? Value is about having several scenarios or solutions for addressing a single problem. People need to know you believe there is more than one way to do things. Prestige is about making people look good to others. Can you make them look smart in front of people they want to impress?
If people know you have all three of these attributes, they will listen intently to everything you say every time you speak. It’s the foundation of influence. But even as they listen, they might encounter the obstacle of believability: Some things might be true but might not be very believable. If people believe something strongly, they just look for reasons to prove the “truth” of what they already believe. So the key to getting people to change their beliefs or see things your way is to first show the similarities before calling attention to any differences.
What the most influential people have in common
They can clearly explain value in about 20 seconds: The longer it takes you to explain value, the more people might believe you don’t have any. The key to having a cohesive team is making sure your ideas are perceived as valuable not just for project success, but valuable to them personally. You have to know what people value before you can influence them. You need to teach them to think, not just give them knowledge. You can do that by asking good questions such as these: Is there a question I did not ask you today that you think that I should have?
Is there a difference between what you think is important about your job and what others think is important?
Their ideas are clear enough to follow: It does not matter how smart you are if no one knows what you’re talking about. Clarity, more than intelligence, is the foundation of success. It’s hard to clarify a team vision if it’s fuzzy. You can’t build a shared vision if everyone sees it differently. Your intelligence could cause you to lack tolerance for those who do not understand things the way you do. You could be labeled a poor communicator and lose your influence. You may need to simplify things a bit to be more effective. If the goal is to get everyone on the same page, you’ll want to make that page easier to read.
They understand the issues between older and younger workers: Older workers will quickly attack what they see as a lack of work ethic in younger team members. They see young people who will quit their job to go on a ski trip! Younger workers see the older people as being inefficient and unable to multitask. When they ask a question of an older worker, they feel they get the history of the answer first. They also believe older workers don’t have an accurate grasp of technology. Younger people need to know that an understanding of how things worked in the past will help older team members embrace the new way. It’s hard to create a future without understanding the past. To lead people effectively, you need to know where they’ve been. Older people need to see that you value their experience and are willing to seek their counsel. Let their experience work for you! Older leaders need to give more consistent praise and use small goals and tight deadlines. Wishing someone were more like you is not an effective tactic. You have to manage people for who they are, not who you want them to be. Also, older leaders should remember that young people are not living in our times – we are living in theirs.
They have fair partnerships: A fair partnership guarantees a team effort (lead by example). You have to be willing to do some of the things you’re asking others to do. You can stand your ground but you must show fairness. • They spend time with people who can position them to succeed: Leverage the relationships that will take you somewhere and minimize the time and effort you invest in those that won’t. Spend more time with productive people and create a culture of excellence.
They understand the power of gratitude: You attract better people, effort and respect when people know you are grateful.
Change is not the problem; it is resistance to change: Top performers know they must constantly grow and adapt to lead people (or themselves) in a successful direction. Action and adaptability create opportunity. Flexibility is the key to longterm success. Intelligence and skill are not enough to make most organizations view you as effective.
Success lives in you; you did not get it from a keynote speech or a book: All humans have the basic ingredients of success. That’s why we are the dominant species on the planet. Never forget your value! You have the ability to be influential if you implement practices that already have a good track record of success.
Garrison Wynn, today’s keynote speaker, brought with him several years of expertise, some excellent original research relevant to the tourism industry, and several great points for all of us to take home. Garrison addressed several issues, from how to speak to your customers and how to manage your employees, to how to build trust and what people (a.k.a. your customers) want and expect from you as a tourism business. A few take aways include:
Don’t tell people they’re wrong. Instead, even though you may not agree with them, show them that you’re willing to listen. People want to know they’re being heard. If people feel they’re being listened to within the first minute, they start to trust you immediately.
Trust is built on two things: Compassion and Competence.
Be agreeable; don’t make people feel dumb, or you will lose any and all ability to influence.
Agreement is the foundation of accountability.
How well you can deal with the most difficult people will define your greatness. Your worst customer might be the one that spends the most. Similarly, your most talented employee might be the hardest one to manage. And sometimes, we need to take some of the blame.
All people want 3 things: Love, Value and Prestige. Be genuine, offer multiple solutions for a single problem, and make your customers and your employees look and feel smart.
Don’t criticize the “old way” but draw similarities to the new way…then point out the new and different features. Similarities first, differences second.
Be able to explain the value of what you have to offer in 20-30 seconds. Beyond that, people begin to think your product or offering lacks value.
Clarity is a must.
Action and adaptability provide and create opportunity.
In closing, Garrison says people don’t necessarily always choose the best. They choose what makes them feel comfortable, what they trust, and what they’re looking for in good service. If you can provide those things, you’ll be consistently chosen, again and again.
I watch the news a lot and I see all these people trying to talk at he same time. Interrupting each other is nothing new, but they used to curb it a bit on TV. I was on TV and hosted radio shows years ago (I still do some Radio from time to time) and not interrupting each other was part of being professional. But now it’s like crazy drunk people at a college party trying to tell their best story. Of course we expect some people to do it; Bill O’Reilly is just an incurable chronic interrupter. He is not so much rude, as he is just psychotically driven to talk while his guest (or victim) is still talking. He makes a good point I guess every now and then but it’s difficult to see his style as effective; and it just makes for low quality, yet some how popular, television.As a person who likes to talk and someone who has been known to interrupt people myself, I think we need to be aware of what it looks and sounds like to an audience. As a salesperson years ago, I had a boss that told me that I was a great presenter but I talked too much. He said, “As much as you talk you should go into a meeting and try to say nothing. If you do that, I’m sure you will have said just-enough.”
The lesson: What comes out the other person’s mouth means more to them than what comes out of your mouth. (That’s worst sentence I’ve written in 3 years but I think you get my point). If you let people talk you have more control over the outcome of the discussion and you don’t look ridiculous to other people watching/listening to your conversation.
I know that listening is important but it can be very difficult when you don’t care about what the other person is talking about. We want to care; we have compassion for people and their problems (OK, some of us do practice pathological leadership) but something about what they are saying is losing us at about 5 seconds in. Sometimes it’s the topic: when my wife talks about Yoga I just stop caring. I saw her in front of the TV doing a headstand while wearing a neck brace. Could Yoga be the problem and not the solution? Sometimes we don’t have the time for a low priority issue right before that important conference call. But every now and then it’s the person who is talking. Some people are just boring! Its not their fault I guess; maybe the were raised by boring parents in a boring environment. Our research at Wynn Solutions shows that making sure people feel heard is the foundation of trust. But what I have noticed over the years and what we now teach our clients, is that if you focus on how someone feels (happy, mad, glad, sad or freaked out) while you are listening to them (not just what they say) you are able to hang in their with the people that would normally send you to snoozeville. Also, you retain much more information (regardless of your poor listening skills) and believe it or not, you start to care more about what they are saying. It’s amazing and I highly recommend you try it.
Garrison helps people learn how to make the jump from being great at what they do to understanding and developing the qualities it takes to be chosen for the job. He gets them to understand why their products, services, or leadership styles − or those of their competitors − are selected. As he says, “If the world agreed on what’s best, everybody would choose the best and nothing else would be considered. Decision making doesn’t work that way.”
As a motivational speaker, advisor, author, and entertainer, Garrison has worked with some of the world’s most effective corporate leaders and business developers, from multibillion-dollar manufacturers to top New York Stock Exchange wire houses. He has a background in manufacturing, entertainment, telecommunications, and financial services. In his teens, Garrison worked with Magnavox and baseball legend Hank Aaron to promote the world’s first video gaming system, and by age 27, he became the youngest department head in a Fortune 500 company’s history. He researched and designed processes for 38 company locations nationwide and developed and marketed products still being sold in 30 countries. An experienced actor in films and a former professional stand-up comedian, Garrison has hosted television specials and national radio programs. His amazon.com bestseller, published by McGraw-Hill and available in bookstores worldwide, blends a decade of research and Garrison’s candid, laugh-out-loud delivery to finally tell The Real Truth About Success. His additional writing credits include business journal articles, weekly contributions to The Washington Postand a book co-authored with Stephen R. Covey, Ken Blanchard, and Jack Canfield.
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Posted by Ginger Dailey Wynn 
