We like to think we can disagree with the people in charge and have things go our way with great consistency. After all, in the movies it’s the struggling person with no influence who has the great idea that everyone opposes and who, through sheer grit and determination (and often involving Jeff Bridges or Kevin Costner), rises to the top to make the higher-ups look like idiots. In life, though, it’s more typical that people who openly disagree with the boss end up first in line on the chopping block – especially if they are right and have the support of other people managed by that same boss. I have also seen people promoted to a position that gets them away from other humans. I personally was exiled to Omaha years ago for increasing sales by doing the exact opposite of what my boss said I should. Not that the people in Omaha were not humans … it’s just that I went from a big-city office where things were moving and shaking to a location where people wore Christmas sweaters. I have noticed over the years that when the people who are driving change wear a lot of holiday clothing, your chances of global impact are minimal.
In 10 years of research on leadership and change management, I have observed that VP teams commonly get rid of talented employees who openly disagree and have the positioning and charisma to influence others. It actually makes sense for that to happen. Dragging people screaming and kicking in a direction they don’t want to go has a history of being expensive and diluting the company’s vision. Though teamwork can be overrated, without it you can’t make things happen or develop agreed-upon, repeatable processes. Organizations and individuals don’t choose the best ideas; they choose the ones they are most comfortable with.
It is possible, however, to use personal influence tactics that can get you traction for your ideas. For example, it’s important understand that people are much more likely to agree with those who have agreed with them first. Agreement is the foundation of accountability. If you look for areas where you agree with the boss and you state your agreement (“I agree with that; let me tell you how I can help you”) before making a recommendation, you are much more likely to have your input heard and used. It’s a kind of formula that I call Ask, Listen, Agree, Recommend. This works well because people rarely object to their own ideas! They think, “My idea sounds fantastic coming from you! We should definitely do that.” Unfortunately, only a small percentage of people use this tactic. It’s just too simple, and people who feel oppressed by their boss really need to be right and make the boss wrong. So they grumble and do nothing, or they accidentally blurt out something that seals the fate of their work life – something like “I know you’re intelligent; I just can’t tell that by talking to you.”
I was dragged into an opportunity that I was not thrilled with, and it turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. It was the last corporate job I had before starting my own company in 1996. They were so screwed up that I was exposed to almost every problem an organization could have, including a bizarre concept of “next-day air” shipping. They said next-day air meant we would receive the order Monday, pull the product from inventory Tuesday, and ship it Wednesday so the customer gets it Thursday. I explained that today (Monday) is today and tomorrow (Tuesday) is the next day, hence the term “next-day” air! They said I was wrong and needed to tell my employees and customers that next-day air took three days. I told them I was quitting, not today but the next day, which, if you look on your calendar, is tomorrow! I’m sure they are better off without me and my crazy logical disruptions. That psychotic BS inspired me to help other organizations as a motivational speaker with leadership, communication, and influence. But in reality I started my own company for the same reasons most entrepreneurs do but will rarely verbalize: I got tired of making other people rich!
To have influence make sure the influential people with the biggest mouths are on your side up front.
You have people in every organization who have the ear of the masses and can’t shut up (and they never will). Somehow, through sheer personality and guile, these people have some sway over the rest of the group.
Find these people!
Get them behind your idea by showing them how good they will look to others if they support your agenda. Let them become your “PA System” and work for you to spread the word. Having a lot of people believe in what you do before you actually do it, gives you a huge edge. It’s like discussing the details of a great buffet to a hungry audience 10 minutes before lunchtime. You pretty much had their attention before you started talking. Otherwise, the only change you will make will be changing your mind about the change.
My keynote presentations and training programs are based on my company’s research of top performers (5,000 top-performing people of influence in 21 industries) and shows what the most successful people have in common. Recently, I created a summery of the core ideas I presented in a keynote for a client looking to provide something extra for attendees to take home. These same idea are examined in detail in my newest book “The Real Truth about Success” .
The Real Truth about Success is based on Wynn Solutions’ research of top performers (5,000 top-performing people of influence in 21 industries) and shows what the most successful people have in common.
Dealing with difficult people is one of the true litmus tests of being influential. When you boil it down, if you criticize the ideas of the people you are dealing with, they are less likely to use your ideas; and if you make people feel important, then you and your agenda/ideas will be more important to them. We also have to learn the importance of our behavior reflecting on our skill level. Sometimes our behavior betrays our skill. If people do not like your behavior, they will consistently look for reasons not to trust or agree with you. It is possible to be right without making others feel people wrong. People do not choose what’s best; they choose what they are the most comfortable with whether it’s the best or not.
Another often-overlooked area of influence and teamwork is judgment. Top performers acknowledge and act on the concept that everyone knows something they do not. We can all learn from one another. Also, when confronted with bad ideas or information, an attitude of conciliation is the most effective approach. In other words, instead of saying “You’re wrong,” you can take a step back and calmly state, “I disagree with your approach (ideas) but am willing to listen.” This disarms the listener and creates a spirit of teamwork that will enhance the opportunity for productivity. You might also find you are more in agreement than previously thought. Furthermore, you might discover why the person you are speaking with is in fact incorrect, and you can forward the conversation from there. The amazing part of this tactic is that as you listen and gain agreement, you will see that they will start to change their story to match yours as a product of trust gained.
Top performers also understand the truth about trust. Our research shows that trust is built on the foundation of two things: compassion and competence. Data we have collected about effective communication styles clearly demonstrates that an overwhelming number of people responded well when they felt heard or listened to. If you make them feel heard and appreciated, as stated earlier, you and your agenda will be more important to them.
When you rob people of their uniqueness, you make one of the biggest communication mistakes there is. Don’t be dismissive if people say they’ve got a problem. Agree that their problem is valid, and they will be more accepting of your solutions – so accepting that they’re more likely to take accountability for those solutions. Agreement is the foundation of accountability. People are much more likely to be in agreement with those who have agreed with them first!
Another issue is dealing with people you don’t get along with very well. Many people think getting everyone to like each other is the key to success, but our research shows that how well you work with people you don’t get along with will define your greatness. You must be willing to look at your own behavior; if you have personality conflicts on a regular basis, you need to investigate your personality.
Also, top performers know everyone has the same basic agenda: We all want sincerity, value and prestige. Sincerity is simply a matter of making sure your sincerity matches the situation – are you being real? Value is about having several scenarios or solutions for addressing a single problem. People need to know you believe there is more than one way to do things. Prestige is about making people look good to others. Can you make them look smart in front of people they want to impress?
If people know you have all three of these attributes, they will listen intently to everything you say every time you speak. It’s the foundation of influence. But even as they listen, they might encounter the obstacle of believability: Some things might be true but might not be very believable. If people believe something strongly, they just look for reasons to prove the “truth” of what they already believe. So the key to getting people to change their beliefs or see things your way is to first show the similarities before calling attention to any differences.
What the most influential people have in common
They can clearly explain value in about 20 seconds: The longer it takes you to explain value, the more people might believe you don’t have any. The key to having a cohesive team is making sure your ideas are perceived as valuable not just for project success, but valuable to them personally. You have to know what people value before you can influence them. You need to teach them to think, not just give them knowledge. You can do that by asking good questions such as these: Is there a question I did not ask you today that you think that I should have?
Is there a difference between what you think is important about your job and what others think is important?
Their ideas are clear enough to follow: It does not matter how smart you are if no one knows what you’re talking about. Clarity, more than intelligence, is the foundation of success. It’s hard to clarify a team vision if it’s fuzzy. You can’t build a shared vision if everyone sees it differently. Your intelligence could cause you to lack tolerance for those who do not understand things the way you do. You could be labeled a poor communicator and lose your influence. You may need to simplify things a bit to be more effective. If the goal is to get everyone on the same page, you’ll want to make that page easier to read.
They understand the issues between older and younger workers: Older workers will quickly attack what they see as a lack of work ethic in younger team members. They see young people who will quit their job to go on a ski trip! Younger workers see the older people as being inefficient and unable to multitask. When they ask a question of an older worker, they feel they get the history of the answer first. They also believe older workers don’t have an accurate grasp of technology. Younger people need to know that an understanding of how things worked in the past will help older team members embrace the new way. It’s hard to create a future without understanding the past. To lead people effectively, you need to know where they’ve been. Older people need to see that you value their experience and are willing to seek their counsel. Let their experience work for you! Older leaders need to give more consistent praise and use small goals and tight deadlines. Wishing someone were more like you is not an effective tactic. You have to manage people for who they are, not who you want them to be. Also, older leaders should remember that young people are not living in our times – we are living in theirs.
They have fair partnerships: A fair partnership guarantees a team effort (lead by example). You have to be willing to do some of the things you’re asking others to do. You can stand your ground but you must show fairness. • They spend time with people who can position them to succeed: Leverage the relationships that will take you somewhere and minimize the time and effort you invest in those that won’t. Spend more time with productive people and create a culture of excellence.
They understand the power of gratitude: You attract better people, effort and respect when people know you are grateful.
Change is not the problem; it is resistance to change: Top performers know they must constantly grow and adapt to lead people (or themselves) in a successful direction. Action and adaptability create opportunity. Flexibility is the key to longterm success. Intelligence and skill are not enough to make most organizations view you as effective.
Success lives in you; you did not get it from a keynote speech or a book: All humans have the basic ingredients of success. That’s why we are the dominant species on the planet. Never forget your value! You have the ability to be influential if you implement practices that already have a good track record of success.
Be influential or quit!
Posted by Ginger Dailey Wynn 
