Almost Famous: Success and careers after college

June 23, 2010

In honor of recent graduates: When you finished your schooling, did you know what you wanted to do in life? How long did it take to find a job or profession that “fit” you? Are you still in your original field?

I had the idea that after college I would move back home, my mom and dad would move out, and I’d get the house! I’m being brutally honest; at 21 years old, I had potential but I was much more into partying. In my opinion at the time, I had learned two very valuable things in college: Never run out of beer and only date girls who have their own cars!

What I wanted in life at that point was to be judged according to my wit, knowledge, and education, but I learned that I was really judged by my actions. (I was also judged by an actual judge, but we won’t go into that.)

After college, I started working for AT&T during the divestiture. I learned a lot about office politics but little about what I wanted to do with my life. I came from successful people and I was expected to be affluent, not just earn a living. So, naturally, I wanted to be in show business or become an artist. My education was in psychology, history, and marketing, so it seemed I was only qualified to think deeply about convincing people to spend money in the past!

When we look back through our career tracks, most of us talk about the “path” we were on; but if we really take time to think about it, it seems more like an unblazed trail than a path. Personally, what I traveled was more like that worn area you see in someone’s yard from people cutting through the lawn because they did not have the patience to walk around it.

When I became a corporate department head at a Fortune 500 company at age 27, I was clearly promoted beyond my abilities. People used to mistake me for my own assistant (which does have its benefits when you want to avoid people you have never met). I was forced to learn to be influential, considering that every conversation my management peers had with me started with the word “Son”!

Along my “unblazed” trail, I became a professional stand-up comedian, touring the country and appearing at places like the Comedy Store in Los Angeles and the Funny Firm in Chicago. I appeared with people who are now household names, and one of my ex-girlfriends went on to be a famous movie star. I did some TV and radio and had speaking parts in a few films (which went directly to video). People often ask me how this segment of my career came about. All I can say is I went to an open mic night, and within a year I was earning a living on the road. I did this hot and heavy for six or seven years before realizing that, for me, making people laugh was not enough. I’ve got nothing against stand-up – I just wanted to make more of a contribution. Plus, living in a different city each week and sharing the comedy condo with depressed guys who used to be famous and their tattooed girlfriends with big snakes around their necks … let’s just say it gets old after a while.

Ultimately, I put my business background, education, and show business experience together to create the life I have now. In 1996 I started a research-based training company that specializes in personal influence in areas of leadership, sales, marketing, change management, and safety. Through this company I now speak at conventions 100 times a year. (It’s still a lot of travel but not as many tattoos and snakes … depending on the convention.)

My advice to graduates is to do very little of what you don’t do well and a lot of what you do very well. It’s practical, proven advice that might also sound profound if you are under 25 years old and still hung over from college.


Oh, the drama! Failing to acheive your goal! – Washinton post “On Success” response.

December 22, 2009

Q: What’s the right response when you come tantalizingly close to success but fail to achieve your goal? How hard is it to recover from heartbreaking setbacks like the ones the Washington Redskins have endured in recent weeks? How often have you experienced reversals that tested your own spirit?

The lowdown on losin’ it

Well, let’s be honest: The most common response to failure when you’ve just missed your goal by an inch is to freak out, followed shortly by whining and complaining that life is not fair. (There may be profanity involved.) While this might not be the best response, it is the common one, based on the many anonymous answers I’ve heard to that question.

If you are a passionate, creative person, (like a motivational speaker) it could be difficult to recover because you have a high propensity for dramatic reactions — that is, a low lose-it threshold.

In the course of my company’s research, we’ve found that very successful, driven people or people who care deeply about something have a tendency to overreact. (Just read the comments on my post about Tiger Woods titled “Paying for fame.”) It seems to be a rare (and kind of dull) group of people who can consistently separate the data from the drama and react in what people keep telling us is an appropriate manner.

If you are a Redskins fan, the appropriate response is to put your foot through your television! I know how you feel: I’m a Houston Texans fan (as in we’ve never had a winning season and we’re the first team in history to do so with a No. 3-ranked offense two years in a row). It’s hard to recover from heartbreaking setbacks; but let me just say that if a football team tops your list of disappointments, then your life must be fantastic!

I have had my share of personal setbacks; in fact, back in high school, football was involved. I once threw eight interceptions in one game. My dad said it had to be a record. (Thanks, Dad!) If I had died sometime during my junior high football days, they would have built a statue of me in front of the school. Unfortunately, I lived just long enough to suck!

That high school football experience became a strong learning point, though. I was well liked by my teammates and learned that if your relationships are strong enough, you can survive the blame, even if your response to failure is, um… a failure.

Read more “On Success” answers


Don’t Overreact! Avoid creating your own economic downturn

April 17, 2009

Are we doing all we can to weather a difficult economy? In previous articles, I’ve pointed out that some people fare better than others. A few of us are even defiant in our approach. I recently saw a lady wearing a button that read “I refuse to participate in the recession.” I guess that’s better than wearing one that says “I’ve lost the will to live!”

How to survive economic downturnMost of us are doing the best we can, but “the best we can” might not be good enough. We might need to do things better than we can, which means we have to look at how we think, examine what we believe and even get some help.

Do we hunker down, cut back all our expenses, let a few people go, watch the news and prepare for the world to end? Or do we increase our efforts, pinpoint our markets (which means targeting those who actually have money) and make sure our bosses, customers and employees can see our value?

The knee-jerk reaction is to adopt the first approach. The media makes it easy to buy into messages of desperation and doom – have you noticed CNN anchor Anderson Cooper’s really nice way of telling us there’s no hope? Seeing a 40-year-old with a head full of gray hair makes us feel like being overly worried is normal!

We need to avoid behavior that indicates we look at life through loser-colored glasses. That kind of behavior reveals a defeatist attitude that saps our productivity and affects the way other people value us. So beware of those doom-tinted lenses – the dismal view they offer can make even those who work in the public sector begin to question job stability: Are we going to get government money? Will even we have layoffs? Is the job I took because it had more security than the private sector still secure? Will we finally get rid of that employee who’s been here for forty years, smells like Doritos, does zero work and yet can’t be fired?

Unfortunately, sometimes we’re not even aware of our defeatist behaviors, even though they are obvious to those around us. Watch for these five signs that indicate ineffective plans to succeed in tough times:

  • You cry in front of your employees or coworkers with alcohol on your breath.
  • You fire the slightly overpaid “New Guy” for borrowing your lucky stapler (the red one you’ve had since 1992).
  • Your boss keeps uncharacteristically patting you on the back.
  • You’re concerned about how a slowdown in business will affect morale so you cancel the annual meeting in Las Vegas. (Nothing says “Be afraid! Be very afraid!” like canceling the one meeting people actually want to attend.)
  • You decide that keeping the office temperature at 88 degrees will save some money and weed out the wimps. (Our research shows that sweaty people are less productive and more likely to short out their keyboards.)

Let’s not miss the underlying point here: The “we’re doomed” view leeches the value right out of us. It erodes our ability to perform and to lead. It’s easy to spot and long remembered.

Practical Pointers for Surviving a Tough Economy
The better strategy for making it through a difficult economy is not so irrational or overreactive. It involves identifying what opportunities still exist rather than mourning last week’s losses or obsessing about calamities to come. As the value of everything around us recedes somewhat, we want to be the ones who stand apart because we’ve redoubled our efforts, identified opportunities and asserted our value.

I won’t tell you that you need to have positive attitude. Hope and faith certainly help, but they’re not enough to float you effortlessly through a shake-up. So, while a positive outlook is great to have – recommended, even – what we really need are realistic actions that make a difference. I’ve listed a few here.

Hang on to your most talented people.
Treat them well and make sure they know they are valued. Our interviews with top performers showed that many of them jumped ship in the past because, as business slowed down, management made them feel they weren’t important anymore. Some were even let go and then were begged to come back, usually to no avail.
Remember that even in a difficult job market your top people have options. They will leave if they feel unappreciated. The people who suck, however, are yours for life!
Keep things as normal as possible.
Don’t participate in activities that prove you don’t believe things will bounce back. Unless you have a small business with big cash-flow issues, look at yearly costs or longer-term costs. You might decide you have to reduce expenses, but be creative – take time to assess what’s really important. Discontinuing your marketing and sales efforts or sacrificing quality for greater profitability is a terrible idea with a bad track record. To move forward, you typically have to spend some money or inspire more effort from your employees. You don’t get anywhere if you simply tread water. (Let’s face it: Treading water really means controlled drowning.)  Research shows that the best way to influence people is to make them feel valued – important information for those who hope to get more effort from their workforce. Canceling meetings that employees really like or cutting out the best part of the meeting does not make much sense. Our research in this area shows that bad food and bad presenters make attendees think you don’t value them. They will put up with a lesser location and a mediocre hotel because it shows you are mindful of costs. But if you give them bad budget spaghetti and line up Crazy Jimmy from Marketing, who mistakenly believes he is both smart and funny, as the keynote speaker, the meeting attendees will think “Wow … do they just hate us?”

Think of it this way: If you are at home eating a bad TV dinner with arctic freezer burn when your cable goes out, leaving you stuck watching what appears to be a very fuzzy Fantasy Island rerun, it does not matter how comfortable your couch is, how realistic your artificial plants look, or how much your spouse tells you to get over it. You’ll still feel miserable.

Refrain from talking too much gloom and doom at the office.
One woman recently told me her boss instructed her department that they could discuss rough times at lunch but anyone caught going on and on about it in the office would be written up for dragging down morale. While that policy might have some freedom-of-speech implications, it does reinforce a sense of accountability: We are responsible for our own emotions, and we must look closely at the effect our emotions will have on others. If the words we utter won’t solve things or brighten things, why utter them again and again? It only opens us up to something I call implicit quicksand: When we believe we have the right to draw others into our personal pain, they naturally assume the right to draw us into theirs, and we all get sucked downward deeper and faster together (sounds like an episode of the TV show Lost).  Those of us who let bad news dominate our thoughts should remember that whatever we focus most of our attention on is what our life looks like. It’s like asking people in their eighties how they’re doing. Because they probably don’t work or spend much time anticipating the years ahead, the answer will likely involve a physical ailment.
Check the motivation of your sources
Don’t listen to the media or investment gurus about the state of the economy. The media makes no money with good news. If the news is really good, we just change the channel. And as I’ve stated in other e-news bulletins, their information is false. Despite media assertions that we live in a depressed, crime-ridden country, crime is down 37 percent since 1980, and we are not in a depression. A depression is when your non-FDIC bank loses your money forever, driving you and your flapper girlfriend to drown your sorrows at the local speakeasy. The worst crime sprees occurred in the early 1930s, when everybody hated banks so much that when you robbed one, people actually helped you escape.  In other words, what we’re experiencing now is a mere shadow of worse events in our history, not some new, uncharted course into a darker future than we’ve ever seen. History repeats itself only if we don’t create safeguards to prevent it – and we did. We might experience some new problems, just not the “Oops-the-bank-lost-all-your-money!” problem.

It’s equally important to remember that some investors tend to drive the stock market down with bad news because they hope to buy low and sell high. They are motivated to give the worst news possible. Don’t listen to those guys! When times are tough, listen to rich people in the twilight of their lives – they’ll be the most honest. Billionaire Warren Buffett doesn’t need your money, and he’s old enough not to care what the public thinks of what he says. (People over 70 tend to lose their filter, I’ve noticed.)

For example, last month on CNBC, Buffett said our economy had “fallen off a cliff” but then emphatically stated his conviction that “everything will be all right. We do have the greatest economic machine that man has ever created.” A few days before that, he wrote in his annual letter to shareholders that “our country has faced far worse travails in the past,” including a dozen or so panics and recessions in the 20th century and unemployment rates of up to 30% during the Great Depression.

“America has had no shortage of challenges. Without fail, however, we’ve overcome them,” he wrote. “Though the path has not been smooth, our economic system has worked extraordinarily well over time. It has unleashed human potential as no other system has, and it will continue to do so. America’s best days lie ahead.”

Tough economic times are just part of the journey we go through to get wherever we are going. We always say it’s the worst ever when we are in the middle of it, we are always glad when it’s over, and it always eventually is over! The key is not to take such drastic action that our solutions become worse than the problem we’re trying to solve. We want to avoid overreacting to the point of causing our own personal economic crises. Our reactions are what we have the most control over … although watching reality TV shows may cause us to question that.

We happen to be at that place in history where the economy got bad again. It does that every now and then. We usually have about five good years, five mediocre years and five tough years. There is a name for that – they call it life.


The Boss – A Moving Company’s 3rd-Generation Chief – NYTimes.com

March 23, 2009

The New York Times business section recently featured a success story about Maureen Beal, Chief executive of National Van Lines. Maureen gives us some great insight into her secret advantage on her road to success.

Since I was no longer the boss’s daughter, people would say things in front of me that they wouldn’t have before. At lunch with my colleagues, I would hear them talk about terrible bosses. This boss was demanding or disrespectful, that one didn’t listen, and another one never asked about anyone’s family when it had a crisis.
The Boss – A Moving Company’s 3rd-Generation Chief – NYTimes.com

Maureen also makes a strong point about the importance of spending most of your time focussing on what you do well, while surrounding yourself with others whose strong points balance out your weaknesses. If you spend most of your trying to improve your weaknesses, you loose the chance of ever really succeeding in what you do well.

I also learned that you have to surround yourself with people who have the expertise you lack, even if it makes you uncomfortable. My father was a visionary; administration was not his strong point. It’s mine, however, along with the ability to carry out a plan. If someone presents an idea to me, I can determine whether or not it will work. I can’t always define exactly what I want, but I know it when I see it.


White Lies Clients Tell You When They Choose Your Competition

May 2, 2008

Have you ever thought that the reason the client gave you for choosing a competitor didn’t sound like the truth? Did it sound like a bald-faced lie? Or was it like the end of a bad date — “It’s not you; it’s me”?

Here are five white lies clients tell you, along with the underlying reality:

The white lie:
Your proposal was good but we need to spread the work around.
The truth: Your representative is brilliant, but we hate him. He is inflexible and makes the staff lose their desire to live.

The white lie: I thought you guys do the best work, but my staff recommended the competitor.
The truth: Two of my technical people said you screwed up the last project and ran over budget, and no one would listen to us.

The white lie: We are in a holding pattern right now and are trying to reorganize the project.
The truth: We don’t have any money — and if we did, we are not sure we would spend it with you.

The white lie: We have decided to review all the proposals again.
The truth: Your proposal was not very clear (neither was your project manager), and we are using your proposal as a last resort, as a worst-case scenario.

The white lie: You will get the next one.
The truth: Someone has a better relationship with us than you do and will have to screw up before you have a shot.

A white lie is polite way of saying “We don’t like doing business with you.” Having a good relationship, giving a clear presentation and making sure your clients feel heard and appreciated are three assets that the most successful have in common.

A lot of very talented people and organizations are overlooked because they think being the best is good enough to win. Unfortunately, people don’t choose what’s best; they choose what they are the most comfortable with, whether it is the best or not


Top Performers: Are You Too Intelligent to be Effective?

April 28, 2008

What do top performers have in common?
They develop simple, easy-to-maintain organizational processes

The more moving parts something has, the more likely it is to break down. This basic premise from mechanical engineering holds a lot of wisdom for people in any field. Sometimes we are victims of our own intelligence; we decide that the complexity our brains are capable of is the level at which we should always operate. That’s why some software applications seem insanely complicated and it takes five hours to put up a singing Christmas tree.

Wynn Solutions studied 5,000 top performers in 323 organizations and 21 industries and found one major trait that the most successful had in common: They create systems that are simple and easily taught and that have consistent repeatability.

Sometimes we make processes complicated so people will think they have more value. (Our research uncovered a group we called “the strugglers” who used this approach.) Unfortunately, complex systems that are difficult to operate and explain make the people who created them look like they are not that good at what they do. That’s why the smartest people are often not the most successful or not in charge of the big projects. Something complicated may be the glorious brain child of the brilliant; it’s just kind of hard to tell if it’s working. I guess the key to creating a successful process is to be smart enough to not outsmart yourself.

There are some easy to use organization tools on the market today. Here is a new organization tool that provides a lot of flexibility that people are talking about. You might want to check it out.

Get organized with GTDTiddlyWiki:

Everyone has to find their own killer personal organizational app, and for me, it’s a single, free HTML document called GTDTiddlyWiki. The self-contained standalone mini-wiki is packed with features but it doesn’t dictate how you work – it provides a canvas on which you can design your own process improvements and workflows.


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